Sunday, November 05, 2006

Reap What You Sow - And By That Pastor Mark Means "A Female Pig"

[Updated below]

Pastor Mark Driscoll* of Mars Hill Church in Seattle blames Gayle Haggard for turning her husband, Ted, to gay "massages." (From Dan Savage of The Stranger via Eschaton)

Most pastors I know do not have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives.

[...]

A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband’s sin, but she may not be helping him either.

Here's Gayle Haggard looks alright to me (scroll to bottom of link -- stupid photobucket is giving me problems). But maybe when God said, "Let there be light" he had to tell Gayle Haggard to get her fat ass out of the way. We can't tell from the picture.

Pastor Mark's wife, Grace, is comparatively a hottie based on the tiny picture at this link. Long blonde hair and dressed in generally fashionable black.

All the indications are that Pastor Mark is having lots of satisfying, free, sexual "conversations and liberties" (does that mean she talks dirty and does something nasty to his taint?) with his good lady wife: she hasn't "let herself go" and they have four kids. Plus, Pastor Mark has that rounded, self-satisfied face that says "I enjoy well the earthly sensual pleasures -- eat, drink and 'be merry,' if you know what I'm sayin', for tomorrow we get Raptured." This guy spends every day finding a way to trigger that endorphin rush to feed his need for a rapturous high.

So I'm wondering, for the first time in my life thanks to Pastor Mark, how many megachurch pastors have frumpy wives? We really need to know, because "by their fat wives ye shall know them." And, as New Line Megachurch member Christine Rayes said, ""This doesn't make what Ted accomplished here any less. The farther up you are, the more you are a target for Satan."

Here's a searchable database of megachurches. Loyal followers of Christ must hunt down the Mark of the Beast and rout out Satan's crank-smoking gay minions.


*I believe Pastor Mark's blog post qualifies as the "sin of gossip," a sin specifically talked about by Jesus himself -- unlike homosexuality (Hullabaloo). Really, he shouldn't be talking about other men's wives. Which is why I decided to speculate somewhat graphically about his own private sex life.

Update: The General has a more recent and revealing picture of Mrs. Pastor Ted. Pastor Ted has some high standards if his attractive wife drove him to seek loving comfort from a man.

And here's how much of a bleeding heart liberal I am (like that's a bad thing). I feel bad even for a raving, damaging (Genius Of Insanity) hypocrite like Pastor Ted, and especially for his family.

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